


The Topography Of Our Past

by Aeshna_cyanea



Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Heterosexual Sex, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-12
Updated: 2017-03-12
Packaged: 2018-10-03 04:00:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10235411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aeshna_cyanea/pseuds/Aeshna_cyanea
Summary: Lucifer asks Maze to touch his wing scars, unwittingly triggering a chain of revelations.





	

**Author's Note:**

> 'Our scars are the topography of our past.' (Unknown)
> 
> Inspired by that scene between Lucifer and Chloe in episode 1.04.

Lucifer was lying on his stomach in the middle of his bed, his arms wrapped around a pillow, his head turned to one side. He was completely naked. Maze was kneeling next to him on the bed in the same state of undress, carefully tending to the numerous scrapes, cuts, and bruises which littered his back.

The injuries were the results of the explosive conclusion to his latest case with detective Decker. A crazed religious nutjob had murdered several people with bombs. When they finally tracked him down and cornered him in the abandoned factory where he had set up his little workshop, the man had been wearing an explosive vest and had threatened to blow himself up. Maze had shown up and intervened in the nick of time, breaking up the rapidly escalating standoff by taking the nutjob out with one well-placed shot. Unfortunately, this had not been quite enough to prevent the explosion. The nutter had been standing right on the edge of a large opening in the floor which led down to the floor below, and when he was shot he fell backwards down that hole. Unfortunately, he landed in just the right way to activate the detonator of his vest.

The resulting blast had knocked them down and spattered their floor with lots of shrapnel and other debris. Maze had escaped completely unscathed, thanks to her supernaturally fast reflexes and her demonic nature in general. Chloe, too, had remained uninjured, because Lucifer had shielded her with his body, resulting in a multitude of injuries to his back when he was hit by flying pieces of metal and concrete. He also received a concussion from the rather large piece of concrete that hit him on the back of the head.

Maze had dragged him out of there almost immediately, curtly informing Chloe that she was taking Lucifer to get medical attention, and leaving the detective behind to wait for the police reinforcements and the fire brigade. She had driven him back to LUX, helped him up to his apartment and into the bathroom. Seeing that he was still woozy from the knock to his head, she had undressed him and gotten him into the shower, and then quickly stripped off her own clothing and joined him, carefully helping him clean up. 

Once they were both clean and she had helped him dry off, Maze grabbed a few of the first aid supplies from the bathroom closet and ordered him to lie down on his bed and let her take care of his back.

Thankfully, his supernatural healing abilities had kicked in now that they were away from Chloe's mortalizing influence, and his head was clearing rapidly. Lucifer could also feel the injuries on his back healing, but it would take a little while longer before they were gone completely. Therefore, he complied with Maze's order, stretching out on his bed, and watching out of the corner of his eye as she carefully set about tending to each scrape, cut, and bruise.

Not for the first time, he found himself marveling at the tenderness with which she treated him. Knowing just how forceful, violent, and vicious his demon could be, it always surprised him anew how carefully she treated him when he was injured. Like something fragile and incredibly precious, she handled him with the utmost care and tenderness, turning every touch into a caress.

It made him realize that despite everything he had put her through, everything that had happened and caused them to drift apart, she still cared about him very much. It was a sobering thought, and yet at the same time it warmed something deep within him.

While Lucifer had been quietly contemplating her, Maze had been working steadily on his injuries, inspecting each in turn, making sure it was clean and free of any debris, then carefully applying a healing lotion. Her movements had been sure, gentle and efficient, the look on her face one of calm concentration with just a hint of tenderness. But now she stopped, suddenly hesitant, unsure. Her hand was still stretched out, but she was not touching him any longer.

It took Lucifer only a moment to realize what was going on. He could feel that one of the cuts on his back was running right across his right wing scar. There was no way Maze could treat it without touching the scar, and she was well aware of how much he disliked it when someone deliberately touched his scars. He waited for her to choose her course of action, but she remained frozen in indecision. Finally, Lucifer spoke, wishing only to reassure Maze and get her to continue her ministrations.

"You can touch them, Maze. If anybody has a right to touch them, it is you."

He knew immediately that he had said the wrong thing.

Maze recoiled, drawing her hand away from his back as if she had been burned, scooting backwards until she was just barely sitting on the edge of the bed. After making eye contact with him for a split second when he first began to speak, her head was now bowed, her face half hidden behind the curtain of her damp hair. Her hands were twisted together in her lap. Her breathing had sped up until she was just short of hyperventilating. 

"Lucifer." 

His name on her lips was barely more than a whisper. It sounded utterly broken.

"Lucifer. I'm sorry, so sorry I did that to you. I never should have done it. I hurt you so much."

Oh no. Oh father and all his bloody siblings, no. His Maze, his brave, fierce, Mazikeen, should never sound so broken, so wracked with guilt and sorrow. And he was responsible for this. He had done this to her, and he never even bloody realized how much he had hurt her until now.

He scrambled over to her, desperate to comfort her, soothe her, trying to think of some way to repair the damage that he had done all that time ago.

The moment he touched her, Maze flinched violently. To Lucifer, it felt like someone had stabbed him in the gut with a demon dagger. He waited a moment, his hand resting lightly on her shoulder, giving her the opportunity to pull away from him. When she didn't move, he slowly, carefully wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into his embrace. Relief coursed through him when she leaned into him, resting her head on his chest, putting her arms around him and holding on with almost bruising strength.

She was crying now, her tears hot against his skin, her shoulders shaking with the force of her sobs. Lucifer gently cradled her head in one hand, holding her to him, running the other hand up and down her back. He murmured softly to her, trying his best to get her calmed down. It worked. Her sobs gradually quieted and then stopped, the flow of her tears slowed and finally ceased, her breathing, while still ragged, was no longer frantic, and her grip on him relaxed slightly, until she was just resting quietly in his arms.

Lucifer leaned back slightly and brought his had around to the side of her face, gently tilting up her head so he could look at her as he addressed her.

"Maze. You didn't do anything to me."

She tried to pull away at that, confusion and denial plain on her face, but he held her firmly.

"Mazikeen."

Hearing him call her by her full name made her look up at him.

"Mazikeen, you did not do anything to me. I did this to myself. Yes, I did. And I used you as my tool. And for that, for using you in this way, I am very, very sorry."

She was shaking again, trying to deny his words. He pulled her back into his embrace, holding her close as he whispered in her ear.

"I swear, Maze, if there had been any other way for me to get rid of my wings I wouldn't have made you cut them off. But there was no other way. I couldn't do it myself, and there was nobody else I could ever have trusted enough to let them do it for me. I am so sorry I put you through that, and that I didn't realize sooner how much it hurt you."

This time, it was Maze who leaned back to look at him. He knew immediately that his words had not been enough.

"Thank you Lucifer, for trying to absolve me of what I have done. But it was I who did this. It was my knife that cut off your wings. My hand guiding that knife through your flesh. My hand holding your wings as I cut them off one by one. I was the one who cut into you, who hurt you until you were screaming in pain. It was me who made you bleed, who had your blood running over my hands."

The last words were spoken so softly he barely heard them. Despite this, she was still holding his gaze. Her eyes were as bleak as her voice had been. There was so much pain, grief and guilt in them, but also a steely determination. It was clear that she would never allow him to convince her that she had not been responsible for her actions. Lucifer found himself unable to continue holding that devastating gaze. This time, he was the one who looked away and lowered his head.

"You are right, Mazikeen. You were the one who cut my wings off." 

He felt her stiffen at his admission, and immediately looked back up, right into her eyes.

"And I thank you for that."

Shock and surprise flashed across her face, giving him the strength to go on.

"When you cut off my wings, it was the greatest favor, the greatest kindness that anybody ever did for me. I owe you eternal gratitude for that."

"My lord, I don't understand. How could what I did ever be a favor, a kindness?"

If he had needed any proof of just how shocked and confused Maze was, the fact that she addressed him with his old title would have been enough. He smiled at her gently, hoping that he would find the right words to make her understand.

"I will try to explain. Just please, hear me out and don't interrupt me. This is not an easy thing for me to tell anybody, not even you."

She kept quiet, simply nodding her assent. With a sigh, Lucifer once again broke eye contact and pulled her close to him.

"I know that you consider hell your home, and that you liked it there. You enjoyed our existence there. But for me, hell wasn't a home, and it wasn't something I could ever enjoy. Hell was my father's punishment for me, and something is only really a punishment if it hurts, if it makes you suffer. So when he sent me to hell, he made certain that I would suffer there. Being in hell was physically painful for me. Every day, every minute, every moment of my existence in hell, I was in pain."

Maze gave a small gasp at that, the inarticulate sound full of horror and sympathy. But otherwise she stayed quiet, allowing Lucifer to go on.

"At first, I simply endured the pain. Then, gradually, I grew used to it, to this constant ache, until finally, I had managed to banish it from my mind, to forget it. Or perhaps not forget, but suppress it. When I decided to leave hell and come to this mortal plane, I never even once thought about the pain."

"And then, when we came here, in that first moment when I stood on that beach, I realized that the pain was gone. Do you remember that first moment, there on the beach?"

It took Maze a second to realize that he wanted her to answer.

"Yes, I remember. You were standing there, and the look on your face... There was so much joy, triumph, ecstasy there. Your wings were glowing, and you were spreading them, and then suddenly you fell to your knees."

"Yes. That first moment when the realization hit me was indescribable. Completely overwhelming. To be free of the pain after so many millennia. Words cannot describe how that felt for me. I gloried in that feeling. And then I spread my wings, and they ached. They hurt. And I knew that I would never be free of the pain as long as they connected me to father."

He spat the last word. He was breathing hard now, and suddenly realized that he was holding onto Maze with a strength that must hurt her. He loosened his hold on her and opened his mouth to apologize, but she stopped him with a gentle hand on his cheek and a soft kiss to his lips. His own hand came up to caress her face, wiping away the fresh tears he found there. Tears she had cried for him.

They both pulled back slightly at the same time, breaking the kiss.

"You freed me from that pain when you cut off my wings, Maze. I don't think I can ever thank you enough for that, and I am sorry it took me so long to tell you what it means to me."

She leaned forward and kissed him again in reply. And then she broke the kiss, slid off the bed and knelt before him. She took his hands in hers, held them in front of him, and rested her forehead against them. It had been a long time since he had last seen his demon in such a pose of submission, and he did not much care for it. Before he could do anything about it, Maze spoke.

"My lord, I thank you for your explanation. I understand now."

She lifted her head and looked him in the eyes, and he felt a fierce joy at the fire he saw there. This was his Mazikeen, his brave, strong demon.

"I hereby swear to you, my lord, that I will do everything I can, everything you ask me to, to ensure that you never have to return to hell."

With that, she lowered her head again and placed soft kisses on his knuckles.

"Thank you, Mazikeen."

It was the only reply he could possibly give to such a vow. Lucifer knew exactly how much this meant for his demon. With one swift movement, he pulled her up and back into his arms. They kissed once again, and then just held each other, their foreheads resting together.

Eventually, Maze composed herself, stood up, and gave him a gentle push against his shoulder.

"Alright, enough of that. Now let me take care of the rest of your injuries."

Lucifer had to grin at her gruff tone. There was the Mazikeen he knew, always ready for a fight or a fuck, but deeply uncomfortable with any overt display of the softer emotions. Not that he was in any position to cast stones here. They really were very much the same in this regard.

"I'm afraid there is no need for any more of your excellent care, Maze. I can't feel any of the injuries anymore, they are all healed up." 

She just shot him an annoyed look at that, clearly still compensating for her recent display of emotions.

"Why don't you just lie back down and let me be the judge of that?"

With a chuckle, Lucifer complied and resumed his former position, stretched out in the middle of his bed. Maze knelt next to him again and immediately started inspecting his back for any remaining injuries. One after the other, she touched the spots she had treated before, clearly needing the physical sensations as proof of what she was seeing. Lucifer could tell just by the feeling of her hands on his back that the injuries were all gone without leaving any traces.

Then, just as she had done before, she hesitated, her hand hovering over his right wing scar.

"Touch them, Mazikeen."

She looked at him, the corners of her mouth quirked up in a small, intimate smile. She acknowledged his order with a slow nod, but she did not comply immediately. Instead, she straddled his hips and then leaned forward slightly and placed her hands on his shoulders.

She held that position for a moment, just pressing her hands lightly against his skin, and then she started to move them. In a steady, controlled movement, she ran them inwards along the tops of his shoulder blades, and then down, right over his wing scars.

The moment she touched the scars, Lucifer couldn't help himself. He flinched, his whole body tensing up, his breathing accelerating until he was practically panting. Maze seemed to have expected the reaction, and to her credit she neither stopped nor slowed down the movement of her hands across his back. She continued the downward motion all along the scars and right on down until she reached his waist. There, she smoothly turned her hands over and ran them upwards again, now stroking his scars with the backs of her hands.

Once she reached the top of his back, she turned her hands back around and ran them outwards to his shoulders, turning there and moving back in towards his spine, right across the scars this time. When her hands met in the middle she once again reversed direction and moved them out towards his sides. 

On and on she moved, backwards and forwards, up and down, touching not just the scars but roaming all over his back, sometimes using the backs of her hands, sometimes just her thumbs or her fingertips, but most often her full hands. 

Lucifer knew what she was doing. She was exploring, testing, carefully learning the exact positions, textures and other qualities of his scars. How the skin felt, how it moved under her fingers, what the junctions of normal skin and scar were like. Slowly, gradually, he began to grow accustomed to the touches. His breathing returned to normal, and he started to relax.

Maze's touch began to change, too, becoming firmer, more targeted. She was probing deeper now, exploring the structures under the skin, familiarizing herself with the muscles and tissues beneath the scars, as well as the rest of his back. She also started to actively work on those muscles and tissues, her simple touches turning into a thorough massage. Her talented fingers worked all over his back, finding knots and tense muscles and manipulating them with consummate skill until they were soft and completely relaxed beneath her touch.

Finally, Lucifer was lying there, completely at ease with being touched, simply enjoying Maze's continuing ministrations. He gave a quiet hum of pleasure, which elicited an answering chuckle from his demon.

"Enjoying yourself?"

He could hear the amusement in her voice.

"Oh yes. Very much so."

He half expected her to stop, now that he had broken the silence, but she didn't. She continued running her hands all over his back in the same continuous movements and at the same deliberate pace she had maintained all this time. And once again, her touch changed, growing softer, lighter, and then becoming teasing. No longer soothing him, but arousing instead. Clearly, the little minx had decided it was time to play. 

Lucifer really had to admire the way she managed to get him all hot and bothered in record time, just by touching his back with her hands. He moaned when she found a particularly pleasurable spot on his spine, making her chuckle once again. When she scraped her nails lightly across his scars, he could stay still no longer.

He turned over quickly. Maze had obviously anticipated the movement, because she followed it effortlessly and ended up straddling his hips once more. She ground her own hips against his, rubbing herself against his straining erection. She was hot and wet and more than ready for him, and all Lucifer could think of was how much he wanted her. He clasped her hips in his hands and pulled upwards, urging her to rise up and allow him to enter her.

With a feral grin, Maze raised her hips just enough to position herself right over him, and then sank down again until his whole length was sheathed inside her. She held this position for a moment, and then began to move, riding him with the same slow, deliberate pace she had used when touching his back.

Oh, he had missed this. This intimate connection. It was great. It was wonderful. And he wanted, no, he needed more of it. 

Lucifer tried to surge upwards, to get Maze to move faster, harder, but she put her hands on his chest and pushed him back down. Frustrated, he tried to push up with his hips, but she used her legs to clamp down on him and kept up her slow pace.

One look at the smirk on her face told him that she knew exactly what he wanted, and she was deliberately denying it to him. The devious little minx was torturing him in the most pleasurable way possible.

There had been many times in their past when Lucifer had thoroughly enjoyed being tortured in this way, and he hoped that there would be many more times in the future. But right now he was in no mood for drawing out their pleasure in this way. It had been far too long since they had last been together like this, and he needed this to be hard and fast and as intense as it possibly could be.

With one fluid movement, he flipped them over, letting himself fall on top of her, using the momentum to push into her as deeply as he could. He let her take almost all of his weight, only at the last moment bracing himself with his forearms on either side of her head, his hands tangling in her hair and pulling her in for a passionate kiss.

The moment he had flipped them over, Maze had wrapped her legs around him, pulling him into her. Her arms wrapped around him and she gripped his shoulders, holding onto him as they kissed.

They finally broke the kiss to get some much needed air. Instead of beginning to move within her, as Maze clearly expected, Lucifer remained absolutely still. When she shot him a questioning look, he smiled teasingly at her and raised an eyebrow.

"You can touch them, Maze." 

She realized immediately what he meant. When she had wrapped her arms around him and gripped his shoulders, she had automatically avoided touching his scars.

"Sorry, force of habit," Maze laughed, and then raked her hands down over the scars, pressing down hard.

"Yes!" Lucifer hissed in pleasure and began to move, setting up the hard, fast pace they both craved. He bowed his head down again, seeking out Maze's mouth, kissing, licking, sucking and gently biting her lips, then working his way along her jawline to her ear.

Maze was keeping up the touches to his back, paying special attention to his scars. She kept it unpredictable, switching from one moment to the next between feather light teasing, hard pressure and scratches with her sharp nails that sent sparks of intense pleasure-pain through Lucifer's whole body.

It didn't take long before they were both on the edge of climaxing. Recognizing the signs, Lucifer slid one hand down between their bodies. His fingers found Maze's clit and he began playing with it, first circling it with a fingertip, then pressing down on it. Finally, he scratched it gently with his fingernail. 

"Lucifer!" Maze shouted his name as she came, her whole body bucking up against him. With her full demonic strength, she raked her fingers down over his back, leaving a series of deep scratches right over his scars. One final deep thrust, and Lucifer's own orgasm ripped through him, making him cry out her name as his senses whited out from the intensity of it.

When awareness gradually returned, he found himself lying fully on top of Maze, still buried within her, her legs still wrapped loosely around him. Once again she was caressing his back, gentle touches soothing the angry red scratches she had made. He pushed himself up slightly, taking his weight off her and giving her room to breathe more deeply. 

Lucifer placed a gentle, almost chaste kiss on her lips and then moved off of her completely, letting himself fall on his back next to her. Almost immediately, he started to turn towards her to pull her to him, only to find her moving already. Maze curled up against his side, one leg flung casually over his. She laid an arm across his chest, curled her hand into a loose fist and rested her chin on it as she looked up at him.

"Hey," she greeted him, the gentle, private smile that was reserved for him only playing over her lips. "That was..." - "Absolutely bloody amazing?" he finished for her.

"Something like that, yes," Maze replied with a soft laugh. "Please tell me we are going to do that again."

"Oh, we will, most definitely. Well, minus the injuries and the emotional revelations, hopefully." 

She rolled her eyes and groaned at this attempt at humor. "Ugh, yes, I could certainly do without you almost getting yourself blown up next time."

"But then you wouldn't have the satisfaction of knowing that you once again saved my ass." 

The look she shot him for that warned him that he had better change the subject or distract her quickly, so he leaned forward and kissed her once again. When the kiss finally ended he gave a deep sigh of satisfaction.

"Oh, I have missed this. It's been far too long since our last time together."

"Yes, well..." Maze shrugged, the gesture expressing better than words everything that had happened between them.

"I know this is pretty much all my fault, Maze. I pushed you away and neglected you. But that ends now. I want you back at my side, Mazikeen. Do you think you can forgive me for being a really stupid devil?" He gave her his best puppy-dog look, hoping they could resume their old relationship.

Maze didn't reply at once. She kept silent as she looked at him, clearly contemplating how to answer him. The longer she remained quiet, the more uneasy Lucifer became. When she finally answered him, it was neither what he had hoped for, nor what he had feared.

"Do you think you can forgive me, Lucifer? Really, truly forgive me for betraying you, enough to trust me again?" 

He replied almost instantly. "Yes, Maze, I forgive you. I understand why you did it, and I forgive you for it. And after tonight, after what you swore to me, I know that I can trust you. I do trust you." 

Her happiness lit up her face like a sunrise. "Then yes, Lucifer, I forgive you, too."

He smiled at her. "So, does that mean you are coming back to me?"

"That depends on what you mean by that," Maze replied with a sigh. "You and I, we have both changed, and I don't think we can just go back to how things were. But maybe we can move forward, and find a new way of being together. So, what exactly do you want from me, Lucifer?"

"I want you, Maze, in every way. I want you back by my side, as my right hand demon, my confidante, my trusted lieutenant, my lover, my partner, in crime and otherwise. I want to have you here with me again, either with you living in your old apartment below, or right here with me."

"Do you want me to work for you again?" 

"Only if you want to. I know being a bartender and helping me run LUX was not your dream job. So if you don't want to go back to that, I'm fine with it."

"I like my current job. Hunting humans for money is fun." 

He looked at her hopefully. "Then perhaps you'd let me come along with you sometime? It's been a while since I had the chance to truly hunt someone." 

Maze's smile turned feral at that. "I like that idea. And before you ask, I also like the rest of what you want. I think I shall move back into my old apartment, at least until we see how things work out. But I am sure I will be spending a lot of my time up here."

"And what do you want from me, Maze?" He kept his tone light, almost playful, trying to hide just how important the question was to him. He needed to know, to make certain that he would not hurt or disappoint her again. He never wanted to get so close to losing her again.

"I want you, Lucifer, in every way," Maze echoed his words. "It's what I have always wanted."

"And?" There was more, he could sense it.

"And I want you to remember who and what you are. You are the Lord of Hell, a fallen angel, immortal. I know this world has changed you, continues to change you, and I am willing to admit that not all these changes are bad. But not all of them are good, either, and I worry that you will lose yourself if you are not careful." 

He could see the concern and worry on her face, and also a certain measure of apprehension. That latter hurt him, but he supposed it was unavoidable, given how he had reacted to her concerns in the past. He cursed himself once again for hurting her with his callousness. 

"I worry about that too, sometimes. Perhaps, from now on, you can help me, remind me of who I am, and warn me when I become too mortal. I promise that I will do my best to listen to you and heed your warnings." 

Maze didn't try to hide her relief and hopefulness at this promise. With a wide smile, she leaned in and kissed him. 

When she pulled back again he smiled at her and asked, "So, anything else you want from me?" He saw the hesitation flash through her eyes. "Out with it, Maze."

"Alright. I want you to stop trying to deny who you are and what you want, just to please your pet detective."

"I don't!"

"Yes, you do. Just take a hard look at your life in the last months. You hardly ever have parties anymore, you no longer take human lovers, you have all but stopped doing your little deals and granting favors. All because she doesn't approve. You are letting her dictate your life style, and what for? It's not as if she has ever done so much as kiss you. Oh no. She's far too busy riding around on her moral high horse. As if she is such a paragon of virtue."

Maze's words hit much too close to home for Lucifer's comfort, but by the end of her little rant he found himself smiling. "You really don't like her, do you?" 

"Wrong. I really don't like the influence she has on you. On her own, she is actually somewhat tolerable. Though she'd be a lot more tolerable if she stopped being so infuriatingly goody-two-shoes. Besides, her little spawn is my friend, so I kind of have to tolerate the detective for her sake." The last part was said very grudgingly.

"You know, while I am prepared to admit that the detective's little spawn is not nearly as bad as most children, I still don't understand this friendship you have with her." 

"I am not sure I can explain it myself, but the little terror is quite fun to be around. She is innocent, and yet she is a born deal-maker, has a natural talent for manipulation, and some of her ideas are absolutely devious. You know, with a little proper guidance, she could grow up to be a real hell raiser." Maze was smiling at him mischievously.

"Hmm, now that could be fun," Lucifer replied contemplatively.

"Of course, it would seriously annoy your pet detective if we were to corrupt her daughter." There was a hint of challenge in Maze's eyes.

"Oh, but I do so love annoying the good detective. She is much more fun when she is pissed off," Lucifer was practically purring at the idea. "I think, my darling Maze, that we have found ourselves a nice little project to keep us amused for the foreseeable future." 

He gave her a devilish grin, which she returned with a truly beatific smile. They sealed their agreement with a kiss and then snuggled down in the bed, happily wrapped up in each other's arms.

With thoughts of future mayhem dancing through their minds, the devil and his demon drifted off to sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> When I started work on this story, I wanted to write a short fluffy piece of smut about Lucifer letting Maze touch his scars and thoroughly enjoying the results. And then I started to think about what those scars actually meant to Mazikeen, and how it must have been for her to have to create them, to be the one who hurt Lucifer like that. 
> 
> And instead of a bit of fluffy smut, the story turned into this heap of angst, hurt, ptsd, and emotional drama. Still, at least I did manage to get the smut in.
> 
> The title comes from the quote above. It is something I read or heard somewhere, but I can't remember the source anymore, and had no luck finding it so far.


End file.
